Reason to Live
by sushiroll16
Summary: The Herald's little sister has joined the Inquisition to care for her brother. However, in having no skills to battle and a desperate want for the Commander, can she win Cullen's heart? Or will she be shadowed by a long lost hero?
1. How to Win Against the Bull

Chapter 1: How to Win Against the Bull

The air outside of Haven's chantry was frigid, and the wind was howling. All of the recruits posted outdoors had scurried inside, realizing their day shifts ended soon anyways. And no enemy could make it through the blizzard with ease. Most of them had flooded into tavern with their arms upon their faces until they stepped into the warmth of ale and music.

Those from the Inquisitor's inner circle had also joined. Blackwall was quietly chatting with Krem and Grim, well mostly with Krem. Grim was too grim for talk about the proper techniques in swordplay and shielding. He answered with a long grunt when in agreement, and a short one for disapproval. The trio's attention was quickly stolen by Sera and Bull. The two were about to engage into an arm wrestling match after ingesting too much ale. Bets being placed on who would be victorious resonated though the tavern. Josephine excitedly shouted that she would put 10 gold on Sera, while Lelianna shook her head at Josephine's poor judgement of strength. Bull was obviously stronger, just look at those muscles. Vivienne sat in the corner on a high stool, with wine in her hand and a repulsive look on her face, obviously not enjoying the behavior of the ambassador and spymaster.

Not surprisingly, most had placed their bets on Bull. "Seriously, look at you. I got everyone in here on my side," he said smugly to Sera.

"Oh piss off," she yelled. "They just don't know my skill, yeah."

A low chuckle escaped Bull's lips. "Sure, elf. Whatever you say. The only one on your side is our ambassador."

"She smart though, right?" Sera shot a toothy smile at Josephine.

"Well, not anymore," replied Bull rather lowly. "So when are we gonna do this?" as he placed his massive arm onto the table.

"Now!" Sera yelled as she grabbed onto his hand.

The crowd erupted in cheers as they began. Bull was smiling at Sera trying to overtake him. He placed his other hand underneath his chin and leaned onto the table. "So, where's the skill you were talking about?" Sera growled at his comment. She really didn't need this right now.

Suddenly, Bull's arm came down an inch by the weight of Sera's hand. "Oh you're actually stronger than you look," Bull grinned. He removed his other hand from his chin and adopted a look of determination. Sera's hand began to bend, until a sudden rush pushed Bull's hand onto the table. The once loud crowd had silenced at the unexpected turnout. Bull's were wide, as were Sera's. "How did you…" he stuttered holding his defeated arm.

"Yeah! Piss on that!" Sera yelled, jumping onto the chair. Josephine would win a lot today.

"Wait. I want another one!" growled Bull.

Sera giggled at that. "We agreed to one, yeah! You can't take it back now."

"We never agreed to just one."

"I wouldn't if I were you Bull," said Solas in the corner.

"Solas!" shouted Bull pointing at the mage. "You helped her with your weird magic."

Solas threw his head back with laughter and took a sip of his ale. He was usually in seclusion, but today was an especially cold day. "Bull, you never said no magic was allowed."

"You little bald knif-"

Bull was cut with the slam of a door and a cold breeze tumbling in, making everyone shiver. Everybody turned their heads to see who had come in, and much to their demise, it was Trevelyan, well the less intelligent one. The Herald, Nicholas Trevelyan, had come to the Inquisition after the explosion at the Conclave, and he had come alone. A few months ago, the Herald's family had contacted Josephine, and insisted that he could not be left alone (which Cassandra completely disagreed with). Nicholas did have a lot to learn, but he was quite a talented archer, with his only weakness being his lack of experience.

Unfortunately, the Trevelyans did not see his potential and decided to send Nicholas' little sister, Elise, to Haven. She possessed no skills in terms of battle, and no strength in terms of the mind. The complete opposite of her older brother. Many times their personalities had clashed during the war council meetings, which Elise usually came to uninvited. Although weak, Elise was by no means quiet. She had a way with her words and was gifted to be diplomatic. However, this quality of hers had quickly been shadowed by her obsession with the Commander.

Cullen had never returned her advances, and most likely had not even noticed her affections towards him. Always buried in work, his focus was always centered on signing papers and reading reports. And although he never admitted it to anyone, Cullen had many times found Elise's closeness unwanted. He didn't have time to speak to her about unimportant matters like, "Cullen, what do you think of this dress?" or "Commander, care to take a stroll with me?" The girl was kind, but she did not understand Cullen, when he wanted to be alone or just wanted some rest.

So when Elise waltzed into the tavern, with a highly inappropriate dress for the weather and her hair elegantly done, and asked the question "Is Commander Cullen here?" the whole gathering had turned their heads away from her with groans. For a moment she stood at the door confused at the lack of an answer, until Vivienne had jumped off of her stool and strolled towards her, while the patrons had again burst into chatter.

"Trevelyan, darling, please shut the door behind you and come in," the mage said with an arm towards a table.

Elise smiled slightly with her nose pointed up. "Why Vivienne, lovely to see you here. I did not think this would be the kind of crowd you would fancy," she replied sternly looking at Bull arguing with Solas and Sera laughing drunkenly beside them.

Vivienne followed Elise's gaze, "There are certainly quite a colorful crowd, even if they do not possess proper etiquette. However, I do not fancy them, my dear, I am simply trying to assess the standards of the Inquisition." At that, Elise noticed the grim look on Vivienne's face as she peered at the rest of the inner circle. She lowered her voice to a slight whisper, "I do not understand why your older brother has recruited such vile creatures." At that moment Sera poured a mug of ale onto Bull, earning a loud burst of laughter from everyone.

Elise sighed heavily at the scene, "I do not understand it either, Lady Vivienne, I thought Nicholas would have better standards coming from such a high class family, but I was wrong."


	2. Speaking of Cullen's Love Life

_Hey guys! So this is the 2nd chapter of this story. Hope you enjoy it :}_

Chapter 2: Speaking of Cullen's Love Life…

It was night now and everyone was harbored in the tavern, everyone except for Cullen. He had been in his makeshift office signing papers when he heard a loud laughter echoing through his walls. He held his temples at the noise. The headaches were becoming worse every day, and on bad days he would take it out on others. Three days ago, Cullen sat at his desk with his head pounding as he looked at a drawer holding his precious lyrium. Lelianna had suddenly walked in to inform him that the Inquisitor had decided to recruit the mages, instead of the Templars. Memories of the tower, memories of his first love, memories of Uldred and abominations flashed in front of him. In a fit of anger, Cullen began to rant on why nothing good comes from mages, how they cannot be trusted. He eventually apologized to Lelianna for his harsh words, but he had yet to apologize to Solas, who had appeared at Cullen's door after hearing the commotion. The elven mage walked out in disgust after hearing his insults and sneered at the drawer holding the lyrium bottles.

Cullen heavily sighed and left his desk behind and trudged in the snow towards the small gathering, in hope of seeing Solas, until he saw a raven flying towards Lelianna's tent. Cullen wrapped himself with his arms and hurried in the direction of a scout who had the raven perched on his arm.

"Recruit," Cullen stammered in the cold, "Who is it to?" He did not want to read anything that was only for Lelianna's eyes, in fear of what he may find. The soldier swiftly pulled on the roll of parchment and uncovered only the top of the letter.

"It's written to you, sir," he said handing the paper to Cullen.

Cullen hurriedly took the document from the scout's hand and opened up the missive to read the message:

 _Cullen,_

 _We've successfully made it to Redcliffe. Many mages are housed in here because of the war. There's some creepy guy here named Alexius. He said something about Tevinter, but I'm not sure of how closely they are connected yet. Strangely enough, Fiona did not seem to remember the invitation that SHE gave us. I don't know. It's weird here. Did I mention the fade rift in their chantry?_

 _I also met this guy named Dorian (in that chantry). Nice fella (and his moustache is exquisite). Apparently, he told me about this time magic thing happening with Alexius. Yeah. Never really understood this whole magic stuff anyways._

 _Let's see. What else… Oh! I got a bruise from Cassandra (don't ask why… hee hee). Varric got his breeches ripped off by a bear that he tried to feed or something. And that seems to be it. We'll end up coming back to Haven in a few days._

 _Nicholas_

 _P.S. I got the horses._

The last line made Cullen smile satisfyingly, and the scout looked at it in disbelief. Cullen had been asking the horse master, Dennet, for a long time to provide the Inquisition with horses, but the stubborn man had never budged. And now Nicholas had managed to lift one more burden off of Cullen's shoulders.

He tilted his head back towards the night sky and realized that the storm had slowly cleared, and patches of stars could now be seen past the clouds. For once, Cullen felt as if the Inquisition could succeed. Of course, now they would have to deal with Redcliffe and Alexius, but only one problem at a time could be solved. Cullen peered at a light behind a group of dark clouds and watched as they moved to uncover the silver moon.

He was brought out of his thoughts by another loud laughter from those in the tavern, and noticed the scout still standing next to him. "You're dismissed," Cullen said promptly, yet softer than usual. The soldier stood still for a moment and then nodded. Cullen watched him run off into the tavern, no doubt to tell the others of his experience in witnessing Cullen smile.

The message from the Inquisitor would be have to be given to Lelianna and Josephine soon, but Cullen was in no rush tonight. Finally, his headache had subsided and he wanted to enjoy a moment of peace, knowing that the pain would return in a few hours. Cullen walked towards the docks by the lake and sat on the boards overlooking the water. He opened up the letter again and reread the last line with the light of the moon. After a sigh, the commander lied on his back with his eyes closed and his legs hanging off the dock. He felt a chill in the air and opened his eyes to an even fuller moon now. "Solona," he breathed out.

He wondered if Mage Solona Amell was also looking at the same moon right now, if she were still alive. He remembered her long hair as black as the night sky, and eyes as gray as the moon. Even the breeze reminded Cullen of Amell's icy magic. She was everywhere right now, and he was surrounding by her memory. He had never loved anyone but her. He had his flings here and there, but it was always just to fill the gap of Solona.

The last he saw the mage was ten years ago during the Blight. His first love, taken from him because of darkspawn. Cullen never actually had told her of his feelings. It was too late, and even then, what mage would love a Templar. And when she had arrived at the tower to save them all, Cullen had drove her away. Such a sorry state he was in, a man plagued by torture. He never ended up apologizing to her for what he said, and he never forgave himself.

Last Cullen heard of Solona was when she took over Amaranthine. There were rumors of her ongoing affairs with King Alistair, who she had put on the throne, throughout her whole time as the arlessa. Cullen felt a pang of jealousy in his heart whenever their relationship was brought up. Queen Anora was married to Alistair, but somehow someone always brought up Solona and Alistair's "undying" love. And then, Mage Amell disappeared. No one knew where she went or why she left. It was all such a mystery.

With another heavy sigh and one last look at the moon, Cullen stood up and stalked towards the tavern, with Nicholas' missive clenched in his hand. Lelianna and Josephine could not be kept waiting any longer.


	3. So Much Stuttering

_If you're confused of what's going on, go back a chapter. I uploaded two chapters today! :D And any criticism is welcome, but please be gentle..._

Chapter 3: So Much Stuttering

The three advisers had regrouped in the war room after Cullen had entered into the tavern. His entrance was met with a joyful warmth, until he looked at his men. Most of them were rowdily laughing with alcohol rushing through their veins, and the rest had joined Sera on the wooden floor, sleeping. Cullen had a look of horror on his face of their behavior, but he inwardly grinned at his recruits, thinking of how much they will hate their early morning drills tomorrow. He would make them work extra hard, maybe they would go on a longer run or do shield exercises.

Lost in his thoughts about training exercises, Cullen was interrupted by the voice of his second-in-command, Rylen. "Commander!" he waved with a drunken smile on his face. Rylen was seated with some of the other recruits at one of the tables, each one with a mug in his hand. He quickly took one last sip from his mug and hurried over to his commander. "Sir, would you like to have a drink? The Iron Bull is buying everyone drinks tonight."

"Right he is!" Sera yelled from the floor.

"Wasn't she sleeping?" asked Cullen confused.

"I-….I don't know, sir," replied Rylen.

Cullen replied with a sigh, crossing his arms over his chest. "Have you seen Lelianna or Josephine?"

"They were here, Commander, but I believe they left after taking the money."

"The money?" Cullen's eyebrows furrowed.

Rylen chuckled looking at Sera now fully asleep on the floor. "It would be better if you asked them yourself."

"Right," Cullen replied with a little concern.

"Commander Cullen," a petite voice called from behind him. He turned to see a woman with cherry-colored long hair, placed in intricate braids. The woman's makeup was done quite heavily and her light blue gown's neckline was hanging dangerously low.

Cullen's cheeks turned slightly red and he coughed a little, "Lady Trevelyan."

Elise noticed his reaction and smiled widely with pride, "Please Cullen, call me Elise. We are too close for 'my lady' or 'madam.'"

Rylen scoffed at her desperation for proximity with the man. The whole Inquisition was aware of Elise's want to court Cullen, well everyone except for Cullen. The man had always been oblivious to flirting. He raised his hand to his mouth as he tried to keep a straight face.

Cullen gave a look to his second-in-command before he looked back at Elise, "That would be highly inappropriate, _my lady_. I'm afraid I cannot. You are the Herald's younger sister and addressing you as lady is only right."

"But you address Cassandra as 'Lady Cassandra' and her family is lower than mine," said Elise straightening up her back.

Rylen's eyes had opened wide at her statement. Insulting Cassandra was not the most intelligent course, and insulting Cassandra in front of Cullen was even worse. He quickly nodded to Cullen and stalked away from the two back to his table.

Cullen watched as he walked away and wondered how such a girl could be the Herald's sister. He knew there was going to be some partiality from her because of her background, but not like this. However, he would let it go. The girl was young and still had much to learn. "Have you seen Josephine?" He changed the topic. The headache was beginning to come back.

An expression of annoyance dawned Elise's face, "She was here before, Commander." She put her hands on her hips and felt angry that he would bring another woman up during their conversation.

"Really?!" Cullen's face lit up. He showed her the parchment. "I've been looking for her. Do you know where she would be now?"

Elise's face was red. "I don't know, _Commander_." She gritted her teeth.

"Oh, then have you seen Lelianna by any chance?"

"I don't kno-" Elise was interrupted by a calm, familiar voice.

"I know where they are, Commander," said Solas walking towards the pair. His hands were placed behind his back and there was a slight grin upon his face.

"Solas," Cullen breathed out, his eyes widened.

"The spymaster and ambassador have both returned to the Chantry. I am guessing they are in the war room, perhaps," he said as he took a glance at Sera on the floor. "You just missed them."

"Solas," Cullen began. "I want to apologize for before. What I meant was- well what I wanted to say was-"

"That all mages are abominations?" Solas said amusingly.

"No! I-I…" Cullen stuttered looking away from him. "Look, I did not mean to insult you. When I said those things I was not thinking straight. I was angry and I-I should not have said those things," he glanced down at Solas.

Solas looked down and smiled slightly, "It is alright Commander. I understand your problem. There is no harm done."

Cullen peered at him, "You understand?"

"Yes, you are referring to your withdrawals, yes?" his eyebrows furrowed.

"What are withdrawals?" asked Elise with a deeper voice, her eyes perked with curiosity.

Cullen's head began to pound painfully at her question. He had told no one of his withdrawals, and yet Solas had found out.

Solas glanced at the twitch of pain in Cullen, "It seems I have said too much. Commander, you were looking for Lelianna. She is in the Chantry."

Cullen nodded to Solas and felt a sudden need to run out of tavern. It felt as though the walls were closing around him. But before he could, a hand stopped his movements.

"Cullen," Elise looked up at him with doe eyes. "Could I join you? I also had some business to discuss with Josephine." Her lips were slightly parted and her hands were clasped together softly.

Cullen's forehead began to sweat. He needed to get out. His pain was returning, and he was suffocating. But rejecting Elise's offer would pose as if something were wrong, so he simply nodded his head, with which Elise responded to with a wide smile.

They walked out of the tavern, Cullen in front and Elise in the back. The cool air hit Cullen's face and cooled the sweat, which covered him. He sighed in relief at the touch of the wind on his temples. It did not stop the pain, but it soothed his head somewhat.

Elise fell into step with him by increasing her speed. His legs were longer then hers, and his shoes were more suited for the snow than hers were. She began to open her mouth to say something, but after looking at his expression, she stopped herself. Cullen was eyeing the moon with longing.

Elise looked at the moon, following his line of sight. She wanted to understand him. It was no secret that she fancied the man, but he had never responded to her advances. Her constant flirting towards him had never been successful. He was obviously attracted to her, but Cullen was never open about it. Did he not want her? Or was he oblivious in matters such as these?

"Isn't the moon lovely today?" Cullen suddenly asked.

Elise looked upon his face, noticing a look of sadness in his eyes. His stance was uncomfortably rigid, and his voice was laced with a deepness she had never seen before in the stern and stubborn Commander. Maybe this different Cullen was caused by what Solas had mentioned before? Withdrawals? She didn't know what those were, but she would ask Vivienne later.

"Yes, it is," she carefully replied. Yes, she would be discrete and diplomatic about this matter. She wanted to help Cullen, especially if he would court her in the near future.

They arrived at the door of the Chantry. Cullen reached his arm out to open the door, but stopped at the sound of Elise's voice.

"Cullen," she said nervously. "Can we talk maybe?"

Cullen turned towards her confused. "Yes, of course. Is there something you needed?"

She sighed shakily. Never had Elise been so anxious, and romance was not something that she was unexperienced. But something about the man in front of her made her feel like a small girl. She looked up at him with hooded eyes. "Cullen, I care for you," she took a deep breathe. "And I was wondering if you felt the same way?"

Cullen brought a hand to the back of his neck in surprise and looked away awkwardly. "I don't-"

"You don't want to court me?"

"Maker! It's not like that… It's just we're in the middle of war and…" Cullen's voice trailed as he glanced up at the moon. "I-I'm not ready," he breathed out.

"What was her name?" Elise asked quietly.

Cullen slightly smiled, "Solona." He looked back at the girl in front of him. "I'm not ready for anything yet. Maybe when all of this is over, we can consider something, but not now. There is too much to do."

Elise blinked tears back. No, she would not cry. Not now. This wasn't rejection, not yet at least. She swallowed a lump in her throat and grinned up at him. "Don't forget then."

Cullen laughed, "I promise. I won't forget."

Suddenly, they turned their heads towards the sound of horse hooves. Cullen's laughter changed to a look of seriousness, with no hint of his previous conversation with Elise. A soldier ran up to them frantically. "Commander!" the soldier called to him. "The Herald has arrived!"


	4. Don't Steal From Cassandra

_Thank you for reading thus far. I'm trying my hardest to release chapters as soon as possible, but I want to make sure that it's what I want before I upload anything. :)_

Chapter 4: Don't Steal from Cassandra

Elise happily squealed at the message. She had been worried for her older brother ever since he left to Redcliffe. Vivienne had been telling her of all the suspicious activity taking place in the area, which led Elise to try and convince Nicholas to not go there, but to no avail. He insisted that sending Cassandra and Varric alone on a mission was doomed to be unsuccessful, and he ended up going with them. She ran up to the scout with a wide-toothed smile.

The news of the Herald's arrival instilled a sudden fear to overcome Cullen. The Commander was always against the Inquisition helping the mages harbored in Redcliffe. He was no longer a Templar. He knew that. But the thought of what could be frightened him. He would wake up some mornings in cold sweat, tortured by demons. Though the other advisers had convinced him otherwise, and Nicholas had promised that this would be wiser than assisting the now corrupted Templar order. Cullen eventually complied, although begrudgingly.

But why was the Herald suddenly here? His note had arrived only a few hours ago, and it explicitly said that he was to return in "a few days." Cullen put aside the thought for later, as he noticed Elise running towards a figure appearing at the main gates.

"Nicholas!" she screamed gleefully as she wrapped her arms around the young man's waist.

Cassandra stood behind the siblings looking inwardly annoyed, as her clothes were cluttered with dirt and rips. Hard battles, no doubt. "Herald, we must report as soon as possible to the advisers. The situation is dire," she said in her thick Nevarran accent, as she crossed her arms along her chest plate.

The Herald turned to Cassandra, letting go of his little sister, but keeping one heavy hand perched on her shoulder. "You know, Cassandra. After all we've been through, I was hoping for a long bath. Maybe a snack, too. Oooo I know there's some fine cheese in the kitchen with my name on it," his eyes were lit with humor, and his deep voice flowed out like water. "Then, we can tell everyone what happened."

Cassandra grunted and her eyebrows furrowed in disapproval, "You are joking… right?"

Nicholas looked at her for a moment, and began to heartily laugh, "We'll go now. I promise." He smiled widely at her.

"You're humor is concerning."

"Concerning?"

"Yes, especially after what you did."

"What?"

Cassandra's cheeks turned red. "Gah! You are impossible." She tightened her shield to her side and fumed.

Varric walked in, while covering his chest with his sleeves, an unknown man following close behind him. "You know, snow and short legs don't work together," he mumbled.

The man behind him grinned. "And I thought this would be chance for you to test your chest hair's vitality against the cold."

"Chest hair has nothing to do with short legs, Sparkler."

Elise's eyes lit up curiously at the dark-haired foreigner. "Sparkler?"

Nicholas looked down at her, "Ah… no. His name is Dorian."

Dorian smiled kindly at the young girl, his moustache curling up. He walked up to Elise and gently lifted her hand to kiss it. "You must be the sister I've heard about. Ella was it? No… Elli-"

"Elise," she softly said.

Dorian laughed slightly. "Elise. I apologize. With all of this time magic, my head has been spinning."

"Time magic?"

"Ah, it seems that you have not told them yet," he said turning to Nicholas.

Nicholas sighed heavily, his previous humor now covered with seriousness. "I sent a note a few days ago, but-"

"We've been having issues with sending letters," Cassandra interjected. "I must speak with Lelianna about this. It is most annoying." She humped at the thought.

Elise peered her eyes at Cassandra. Something was wrong with sending letters? She turned to Nicholas and noticed a hint of worry in his eye. Was it a problem with the ravens? Suddenly, Elise heard the crunching of snow behind her. She turned to Cullen, who holding a note in his hand.

"Herald," Cullen began with a smile on his face. "Welcome back."

"Commander, it is good to see you." Nicholas nodded at him.

"I received your letter today only, and it said that you were arriving in a few days?"

"Yes, there has been some… concern with the ravens," Nicholas replied carefully.

"Concern? Do you think that someone is possibly intersecting our messages?"

"No… I don't know."

Cullen looked at the new mage and Elise. "Let us speak of it with Lelianna later then. We should make our way to the Chantry to discuss the… matter."

Nicholas nodded his head tiredly. His hair, a darker shade than his sister's red hair, had grown long since the Conclave's explosion. Strands of red had plastered along his forehead unevenly, with striking blue eyes below. And a stubble light on his strong jawline. Even with the apparent humor on his features, Cullen could tell that the Herald was exhausted from his travels. After the war council, he would tell one of the servants to give Nicholas a hot meal.

Looking at Dorian, Nicholas outstretched a hand in the direction of the Chantry. They all began to walk towards it. Varric had stopped at the campfire outside, having little interest of the following talks. Cassandra; however, was close behind, and Elise had also begun to trail the group.

She fell into step with Cassandra, who was a good distance from the Herald, Cullen, and Dorian.

"You like him," Elise muttered.

"What!?" Cassandra exclaimed. "Like who exactly?"

"My brother."

"I do not!" Cassandra blushed with a frown. "He is absolutely inappropriate. You do not know what I had to bear with him on our travels."

Elise simply smiled. "Oh and what did he do?"

Cassandra turned her face, trying to hide the redness, "I'd rather not say…"

"Oh come on. What did he do?" Elise amused.

Cassandra looked at Nicholas' back with a look that could kill. "…He stole… my underwear…"

"What?" Elise looked at her in disbelief. Her older brother would do that. The same older brother that scolded her when they were young? The same man who protected her and argued for her… stole Cassandra's underwear? How much change was caused by him joining the Inquisition? The man walking in front of her was not the same Nicholas. That was now obvious. The Inquisition had polluted him, corrupted him into someone Elise did not know.

"I will speak to him," Elise said with hooded eyes. She had to get her brother back.

Cassandra turned to her. "I did not mean that I wanted you to speak with Nicholas," she stated. "I will speak to him myself about his little pranks." With that, she walked ahead to converse with Dorian, leaving Elise in the back with an angry look plastered on her face.

Since Elise came here, she was appalled by the way she was treated by those lower than her. The comments that Elise used to make at home, were not welcome here. It was customary for her to order others and not have them talk back, but here was different. Ferelden was different. Only Vivienne had been able to connect with Elise. Josephine tried, but Elise could see that the kind words were only to keep Nicholas happy. Cullen. Cullen had not been able to come under Elise. He was a Commander. She was a noblewoman. He was handsome and she was beautiful. Their pairing would be perfect, if Cullen's past had not come in her way.

She glared at Cullen's back now, angry at his surprising rejection. He was talking to Nicholas, most likely about his adventures. But he should have been talking to Elise. If only that damned "Solona" woman had never existed in the first place.


	5. Vivienne Really Likes to Give Advice

_Yay! New chapter wooo! Thank you for reading :)_

Chapter 5: Vivienne Really Likes to Give Advice

They all made their way through the Chantry doors. Cullen held the door for Elise and Cassandra after Dorian and Nicholas walked in. He closed the door behind him with a loud creak.

He looked at the unknown, most likely the "Dorian" in Trevelyan's letter. "You must be Dorian," Cullen said as they made their way to the war room.

Dorian smiled widely. "Dorian of House Pavus at your service. And who might you be? Wait-a strapping, young Templar. You must be the Commander I here so much about."

Cullen narrowed his eyes at the mage. He didn't know him. And by the looks of it, Dorian was from Tevinter. It was dangerous to trust anyone from there. "Ex-Templar, actually."

"Ex-Templar?" Dorian asked. "Interesting…" He folded his arm and put his hand on his elbow thoughtfully.

Cullen furrowed his eyebrows. Yes, he could not be trusted. The mage was obviously intelligent and this could all be a plot to lure the Inquisition into disaster. He put his hand on his sword's grip as a precaution, but whatever power this man had was still mysterious. Dangerously mysterious.

Entering the war room, they were met with Lelianna and Josephine, both gazing at the map in front of them. Markers were laid out, some discarded on the side, others in key locations. The tallest marker was pinned at Redcliffe Castle.

"Herald," said Josephine in a thick Antivan accent. She was holding a board with a candle in her left hand, and a quill in her right hand. Most of the darkness in the room was cast away from the light of her flame. "I see you have returned."

Nicholas nodded. "Yes, and unfortunately, not with good news."

Lelianna looked at him amusingly, "When is it ever good news?"

Nicholas smiled at that. "This is Dorian by the way," he said motioning his arm to the mage. "He's going to help us with this whole time magic shit."

Elise stood in corner as the discussion went on. She could not believe that such a magic could exist. Bending time? How is that even possible? And how could Nicholas take part in such a movement that could only bring more destruction. They were taught that mages belonged in a Circle, far from civilization and close to Templars. Had he heard nothing that the Chanters preached?

Maybe Nicholas could still join the Templars and leave the mages? Their family ties to the Chantry could help. Yes, of course.

Just then Cullen's voice rang in, "How can we even get into the castle?!" His arms were thrown up in disbelief of the situation.

"That is a good point, Commander," said Josephine worriedly. She held her quill shakily.

Nicholas looked to Dorian, hoping for a way, but Dorian simply tilted his head down.

Elise folded her arms across her abdomen, "You could still join the Templars."

"What?" Nicholas' eyes widen, as did Dorian's.

Elise straightened her back, "I mean with our family's influence on the Chantry we could."

Nicholas rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, "We can't no-"

"Wait!" Lelianna interjected. "There is a way."

Nicholas leaned his hands on the table, "Really?"

"Yes, there is a secret passage in Redcliffe leading to the castle. Only the royal family knows of it."

Cullen narrowed his eyes with interest, "How do know this?"

Lelianna smiled. "During the Blight, Solona and I used that passage to get to Arl Eamon."

"Solona," Cullen murmured. His features softened at the mention of her name.

"Solona?" asked Elise.

"Yes, First Warden Solona Amell," Lelianna replied to her question.

Elise gasped inwardly. That Solona, the one who Cullen loved, was the First Warden? The famed Hero of Ferelden!? Elise couldn't believe what she was hearing. She knew Cullen was a Templar and that the Warden was a mage, so his infatuation with her was forbidden.

But still, Cullen hadn't forgotten about a woman from ten years ago. Have they met since the Blight? Were they something more?

Elise tilted her head down, which was noticed by Nicholas. "Are you ill, sister?" he asked worriedly.

She shook her head, her hair flipping side-to-side with her movements. "No, I am simply tired. I will return to my chambers."

With that she walked out, feeling the stares boring into her back, tears welling in her eyes. How could she compete with the First Warden? The Arlessa of Amaranthine, Hero of Ferelden, who put King Alistair on the throne. Of course, Cullen would prefer a woman with more influence than Elise could ever possess.

"Darling," a velvety voice called out. "Whatever is the matter? You look terrible," Vivienne called out. The candlelight illuminated her white robes, and it danced on her ebony skin elegantly. She was sitting upon a chair, with a blue book in her hands.

Tears slid down Elise's eyes. Her breathes came out in gasps, "Vivienne," she said shakily. "I-"

"Say no more, dear. I understand this is about the Commander."

Elise wiped her tears, "He loves her, not me. Not ever."

Vivienne furrowed her eyebrows. "Who is _she?_ "

"Solona Amell."

Vivienne snapped her book shut. "First Warden Solona Amell?"

Elise's voice cracked, "Yes, her."

Vivienne chuckled softly. "Then you have nothing to worry about, dear."

"What?"

"Solona Amell has been missing for years. She is most likely dead by now."

"Really?"

"Of course, dear. Cullen will move on eventually. He will fall for you."

Elise smiled, "Maybe, you're right," she whispered.

"Of course. And most everyone is aware of the love she had for the King. If anything, it is the Commander who bares an infatuation for her."

Elise smoothed her dress with her palms and straightened her back.

Standing up from her chair, Vivienne strolled up to Elise. "Remember, darling, if anything is wrong, you must come to me. Do you understand?"

Elise nodded her head with a smile. "I understand, Lady Vivienne."

"Good. Now run along. You must fix yourself up."

Nicholas was eyeing the marker for Redcliffe Castle on the war table. Both Dorian and Cassandra left after the plan to infiltrate the Castle was decided on. Josephine had walked off to her office to contact some nobles in the nearby areas.

"Cullen?"

Cullen looked up from his report towards Nicholas. "Yes, Herald?"

Nicholas turned his face hastily. "Can we really do this? I mean do you think I made the right decision? The mages—can I truly help them?"

Cullen was surprised at the Herald's sudden want for advice. It was strange to see the usual happy-go-lucky rogue be so… serious. "Do you doubt yourself, Herald?"

"No. I just—I mean I've never—" Nicholas heavily sighed. "I've never made such decisions before. My family. They have so much power over me that I just can't seem to move away from them."

"Is this about what Lady Trevelyan suggested before?"

Nicholas smiled slightly. "My little sister is less rebellious than I am. That is obvious. But I want to do things on my own, without my family in the way." He grabbed the marker that was placed on his family's estate in the Free Marches weeks ago when Elise was first arriving. Nicholas played with the marker between his fingers.

Cullen watched as Nicholas flitted with marker. "Herald," Cullen reached for the marker from Nicholas' hand. "You do not have to worry. The Inquisition is by your side. It will always be your home." With that, Cullen placed the marker back where the spare markers were discarded to.

"Thank you, Cullen. That… means a lot."

Cullen chuckled, "Anytime."

Just then, the door opened quietly. "Herald," an Orlesian voice called to him.

"Lelianna," Nicholas responded.

"Have you noticed anything different with ravens lately?" Her eyes were glazed over and darkened by her hood.

"Yes, actually. I've been meaning to speak to you about it."

Lelianna poked her head outside the door, looking for anything suspicious, and then closed it behind her. She waltzed up to the war table and looked upon it. "Someone is interjecting our messages."

Cullen made a strangled sound. "Who?"

Lelianna glanced at Nicholas and then back to Cullen. "I don't know. But only messages between the Herald and us have been taken."

"But they have always been set back on course a few days later."

"Yes, someone is reading our letters, most likely looking for information on us. I have sent my agents, but they have returned with nothing."

"What about the ravens?" asked Nicholas.

"The ravens have also been tracked, but again nothing was found."

Nicholas sighed, "Another problem to deal with. As if we didn't have enough," he laughed.

"I suggest that we do not put any information into letters that could compromise the situation further."

"Agreed."

Lelianna walked towards the door, but stopped when she reached to it. "Whoever this is cannot be a simple rogue, Herald. He's left no tracks. Be on your guard."


	6. Swooping is Bad

_Ok so I'm so sorry for not updating in like 3 months. It was a mixture of school and just pure laziness. I actually had it done for quite a while but you know... Anyways hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I think it's the longest chapter so far! Woooo!_

Chapter 6: Swooping is Bad

Daylight streamed into the room through dusty windows. Alistair sat on his desk and looked at dust particles floating in the air. Completely lost in thought, his quill had been thrown onto a pile of papers that still needed to be signed. He was thinking of her. Of Solona, the woman who disappeared completely three years ago.

The king leaned back in his seat and brought his arm up to rest his chin. He still remembered the morning that he received a letter from her about a journey to find a cure to the taint. A journey that would help them both, if only she had come back.

Alistair glanced at a letter on his desk from Bann Teagan, complaints about the mages that were harboring in Redcliffe. The king thought that maybe Solona had gone into hiding, and that he would find some connections to her from the rebel mages. But he had found nothing. And now that the mages were causing trouble, he could not just cast them out. He could not break promises so easily anymore.

Suddenly, he felt a shift in the air and in front of him appeared an elf. Alistair jumped at the sudden intrusion. "Maker!" he stood up.

"My king," Zevran bowed with a crooked smile. "I am here at your service." He bowed slightly.

Alistair shook his head. "How do you do that!?"

"Do what, my king?"

"That swooping thing. And stop calling me that!"

"Calling you what, my king?"

"That _my king,_ " Alistair imitated his Antivan accent. "It's creepy."

"Whatever you say, my king," Zevran smirked.

Alistair narrowed his eyes, "I hate you."

"I know," Zevran smiled. "But you will love me after I tell you what I've found."

Alistair put his hands on his desk, "Is it about—"

"Yes, the warden."

"Where is she!? Do you know?" Alistair's knuckles turned white from his grip on the desk.

Zevran reached into a hidden pocket behind his collar and pulled out a parchment, "Well I stole some letters from that new organization that our dear Lelianna has joined. But then I gave them back, so I guess you could call it borrowing."

"The Inquisition?"

"Is that what it's called? I had no idea."

"Yes, you did."

"Yes, yes. I did."

Alistair blinked, "After all these years, I still don't understand you Zevran."

"And you never will, my king," Zevran smiled. "Well, back to the matter at hand, the Inquisition has decided to assist the mages at Redcliffe."

"Really?"

"Yes, but that is not important here."

"Yes, it is," Alistair threw his hands up. "Why am I hearing about this only now!?"

Zevran shrugged his shoulders. "I do not know. But anyways, after finding some information on the matter I headed to Redcliffe as fast as I could."

"And?"

"And I discovered some interesting information about the location of a few phylacteries," Zevran smiled.

"You mean—"

"Yes, my king. There is a chance that we may be able to find the Warden's phylactery."

Alistair sat down and sighed heavily, raising his palm to his face, "Then, we can find her."

"Maybe. They said that they are hidden somewhere in Denerim."

Alistair smiled widely. "Somewhere in Denerim is quite general. But it's a shot I'm willing to take." Alistair stood up and walked towards the window. He gazed out at the royal garden. "Zevran, I want you to prepare a few men, ones that you know can be discrete and then report back to me."

"Of course. I will do so hastily."

Still looking out the window, Alistair suddenly spotted Anora walking through the hedges, two servants following close behind. His eyes darkened at her presence. "Also, do not tell the Queen. She does not need to know." Alistair took another deep breath. "Zevran, did you hear me. I—"

Alistair turned around to find that Zevran was no longer in the room. "How does he do that?" Alistair asked himself.

Anora was angry. She was angry at the maids who did not properly clean her tub. She was angry at the mages, at Bann Teagan who annoyed her about the mages, but she was mostly angry at the king. Again, Alistair had stopped the construction of the statue in the front of the palace. All of stone masons were sent back by the royal guard.

She was now pacing furiously to the King's chamber, an apparent difference from the Queen's usual elegant walk. Anora waved the two maids away that were behind her as she reached the Royal wing. Using a heavy hand she barged into Alistair's study. Sweat covered her forehead and she was shaking.

Alistair's shoulders jumped at the sudden sound, "Maker!" he shouted. "Why is everyone scaring me today!?"

Anora strutted into the sunlight room. "How could you?!" she bellowed.

"What?!" he lifted his hands up defensively. "What have I done?"

"You" Anora pointed a finger at him. "Why have you stopped the statue from being built?"

Alistair's eyes darkened and he brought them to hers. "I will not have your traitorous father's sculpture lie in front of my palace."

"We agreed that a statue would be built to honor someone's memory, as I do remember."

"Yes, but not Loghain's memory."

"And why not?!"

Alistair walked towards her and looked down at her. "Because he deserves no honor," he whispered poisonously.

Anora furrowed her eyebrows, "And who would you rather have, my king? Whose face should be on the statue? Would it be that _whore_ of yours?"

He gripped onto her arm, "If you have any sense, then you will not be speaking of Solona!"

She smiled lopsidedly, "And what if I am?"

He pulled the Queen closer, "She did so much for me. For us. Have you nothing to be thankful for?"

Anora slapped his hand off her wrist, "That monster killed my father," she bellowed. "Your father-in-law! In cold blood!" Her head tilted down. "I want nothing to do with that vile woman."

"Get out…" Alistair whispered.

"Why did you even marry me?"

"Get out," he repeated, looking down with his fists by his sides.

"You should have married her!" Anora shouted. Tears welled in her eyes, "I cannot give you what you want!" She was shaking, tears running down her face.

"Anora, please just go." He biting his lip to hold back tears, "Please, I'm begging you."

Wordlessly, Anora opened the door and walked out, quietly closing it behind her. After she left, Alistair stumbled back, his back finding the edge of his desk. He slumped down to the cold, stone floor. His mind migrated to the lonely nights with Anora. Their forced, awkward, cold nights together. The after-glow of passion that he experienced with Solona was nonexistent with Anora.

He would lay awake, his eyes open towards the ceiling. Anora would have fallen asleep, her steady breathes on the far end of the bed from him. Like this, they had three children, one stillborn, one sickly, and the third blind. Alistair knew that the chance of having children was small with the taint coursing through his veins. He had a child with Morrigan, but it had been with the help of her ritual. But Anora was completely barren. Eamon told Alistair that she was not able to become pregnant when married with Cailan.

But Ferelden needed an heir, something for stability. So, they resorted to blood magic. Alistair didn't want to. He opposed it adamantly with the abominations of the Circle in his mind. But Anora pushed him to agree with it. She came in touch with an apostate, like Isolde had done ten years ago. The ritual was done behind closed doors.

Alistair remembered sitting in a chair outside the room. It lasted around three hours. Three hours of Alistair wiping his sweat with a handkerchief, thinking about how he should not have agreed to this. Worrying of what may happen. Then, the door creaked open to a weak, drained Anora. She wore the face of an empty woman, just a shell, so pale and exhausted.

Anora turned her eyes slowly towards Alistair, who had stood up. They just stared at each other for a few moments, until she collapsed into his arms, and the guards nearby ran to them. They carried her body to their room.

Alistair had ran back to the blood mage and pinned him against the wall, holding him by the collar of his robes. That same look was in his eyes that Jowan had. Fear. "What have you done?" Alistair had seethed. Eamon had entered to calm the matter and the mage was executed the next morning.

Anora; however, managed to become pregnant a year later. A miracle it was, until the babe had come out. He never cried out or even took a breath. He had just lied silently in Anora's shaking arms as Alistair looked on in grief. They never named him, and he was never spoken of again. Their next child had lived, although barely. Now at the age of five, Alec, was just starting to show signs of life. He had just begun to run and play, although most times his fun would end with fits of coughs. And at the age of two, Rose, had opened her beautiful blue eyes, but they never moved. And they never saw.

Alistair sighed heavily thinking of his children. His blood. He heard the door creak open and noticed the sound of boots tapping on the floor. Without looking up Alistair whispered "Zevran, you're back. And so quickly."

"Hey boy! What is this sad excuse of royal ale you got here!?" a loud raspy voice suddenly came.

"What!?" Alistair looked up in shock at the voice. "Oghren!" Alistair's widen with shock as he looked at the familiar dwarf. Zevran stood beside him arms crossed and a toothy smile on his face.

Oghren held up the mug of ale to the man behind him. "I mean look at this shit. It looks like piss and smells like it too."

"When has smell ever deterred you from drinking?" the man replied.

Alistair glanced at the man behind Oghren, "Nathaniel Howe," he let out an unsteady breath.

Nathaniel's eyes studied the king's position on the floor. There was a sorrow in his voice and an obvious melancholy in the air. He knew that Alistair had once fought aside Solona to defeat his father during the Blight. Zevran had even hinted that their meeting would not be easy. The king was eyeing him with distrust and hatred.

"Zevran," the king put his palms on the ground and stood up. "When I said bring reliable people, I didn't mean this!" He stalked behind his desk, his eyes never leaving Nathaniel's. He gripped the edge of his desk I distress. First Anora and now this.

Zevran shook his head with a small laugh. "My good king, these are reliable men, I assure you."

"Reliable?! You got a drunken dwarf and a traitor's son to help us find Solona!"

Nathaniel took a step forward. "She was my friend, too!" he yelled with a heavy voice.

Alistair laughed a little, "Your friend?" He turned around to face the window, folding his arms behind his back. Alistair stared into the distant garden where Anora had been walking before. He remembered how Solona had always spent her time in the royal garden whenever she had come as the arlessa of Amaranthine. She would sit upon a moss-covered stone ledge in mid-day light. Her long black hair would be flowing in the warm wind as she sketched the golden flowers growing and blooming around her. The mage would never stay inside unless she had to. She had always reveled in warm weather and sunlight on her face.

"My king?" Alistair heard Zevran say as he stepped out of his thoughts. "Should we go along with the plan then?"

Alistair looked back and saw the angry scowl on Nathaniel's face. He turned back to the window and gazed once more at the empty stone ledge before sighing. Alistair slightly nodded. His eyes closed tiredly.

"Very good, my king," Zevran smiled coyly. "I will head out to Haven tomorrow then to meet with the Nightingale. She most likely knows something that I do not."

"She won't be happy about the messages you stole, elf," Oghren said lifting his mug to his mouth.

"She will understand in time. And they were borrowed, not stolen," Zevran said as his eyes landed on the king's back. "My king." He bowed gracefully with a smile and turned himself towards the door. Oghren followed him out with a grunt, and Nathaniel was close behind. But before he closed the door behind him, the rogue took one last look at the king looking at the window before he quietly closed the door.


End file.
